Dodecacophony

Teh Heenie

2009-11-11T21:35:10Z

I know that the whole pandemic/epidemic thing is blown out of proportion, but I also know dear friends who are deathly ill because of it. I'm a little PO'd at AB Health Services - they've expanded the list of groups that can be immunized to allow for adults with chronic conditions but ONLY those between 10-17 and 45-65. What about the rest of us that are basically homebound right now due to this bullshit? /rant

Edit: Oh, and the whole doctor shortage thing. Doctor shortage. Why? Does anyone know? Do they have the flu too, or is it because of the flu clinic they opened up? That just makes matters worse.

Edit 2: If you're sick, stay the fuck home.

Edit 3: Employers that are still forcing their employees to get sick notes (thus making them go to clinics and being around even MORE sick people) are jerks.

Quarantined

2009-11-10T03:25:48Z

I've been put into partial isolation by my doctor. Thanks to the rampant flu virus, I am no longer allowed to go anywhere with crowds. Or people in general, really. I don't have the dreaded H1N1 ('heenie', as my doc pronounced it with a laugh) but I have bronchitis again for the third time in two and a half months. Back on inhalers and might have to do another round of antibiotics if it gets worse this week. I'm so immuno-compromised right now at this point that if I walk past someone with the flu I'll get sick, probably then pneumonia, and then it's to the hospital for me. Oh I really am a miracle of modern medicine. It's frustrating though, going through bouts of just wanting to stay home and laze about and try and deal with the muscle pain and shaking, and now that I definitely cannot go out and do a lot of stuff I feel trapped. How ironic. It'd be easier if I could've received the immunization, like the rest of us sick folk that get sick and then sicker and then deathly ill on a regular basis, but noooo, forces conspire against me. I just hope I'll be up to going to NEWS rehearsal on Thursday. At least I'm not infectious.

Some of these things are not like the other(s)...

2009-11-09T05:23:03Z

Okay, here's my rant for the week: WHAT NOT TO WEAR FOR AN ORCHESTRA CONCERT
(and yes, all of the following were observed in one single performance night)

PURPLE socks with open toed black shoes with light brown wood wedge heels and pants that are too short
charcoal pinstripe suit with metallic grey tie (in lieu of tux? WTF?)
80s 3/4 length LEGGINGS with open toed sandals in lieu of nylons and black shoes (saw this on at least 3 people)
Babydoll/empire waist dresses (shirts?) that have low scooped necks and skirts that rest 4 inches ABOVE the knee when sitting down... especially when the person in question is playing cello... (there were sightings in violins and winds as well)
old, wooly, pilled sweaters that look like they've sat in a moth-filled basement for 10 years too long
Extremely low cut thin fabic shirts that show off your spare tire and massive cleavage due to push up wonderbra (choir girls, caaa mon!)
white socks
running shoes, esp. white

Wowzers

2009-10-26T01:30:14Z

I've been really depressed for the last week. I think it's partially the grey weather we've been having lately but this downwards slope has been tough to deal with. I had a couple really bad days this week where the tremors/shaking etc. came back full force. It's tough to fight the physical crap when I barely have enough energy to keep functioning during the day. Hopefully our long term cheques come in early this week (i.e. TOMORROW pleasepleaseplease) so that I can buy some groceries.

oboebug @ 2009-10-11T14:55:00

2009-10-11T21:07:59Z

I have been avoiding LiveJournal as I didn't want to write a post that was all grumbly. I've been grumbly lately - had a bit of a relapse in September and a lot of frustrations that kept me unfocused on the greater things in life. For example, this weekend alone I developed a cold/flu that immediately triggered a sinus infection and ear infection (I haven't had an ear infection since I was a kid!) and thereafter turned to bronchitis. I was sick last month! Agh! On top of that, I broke a toe last night - I tripped whilst walking in my living room and *crunch* there went my toe.

Despite all that, today's post is (mostly) a post of thankfulness of great things that I have in my life, and of the great things that have happened in my life lately.

my speech is almost normal again - I still have some stutter/stammer lapses when I'm particularly stressed out or upset, but for the most part I sound like my old self again. I didn't realize how much we rely on our voices and speech patterns for expression and getting our point across when we're speaking with others until I didn't have control over my vocal tone. I am grateful that it is normalizing again. I was not referred to a speech pathologist but instead worked through a lot of it myself, using web links to speech pathology sites, and reading about how people with Parkinson's and stutters regain control of their voices. Mom and Dalen helped too, with their patience and their suggestions (and laughter).
I am learning to laugh again. The light is back in my eyes. What is that light? I don't know... I could postulate... but I know that since early September, which is when I showed the most recovery in the past year or so, a lot of people have mentioned that they can see something different in my eyes- like a dense fog has lifted. For this, I am grateful.
I am playing a lot of music. Not all of it is paying gigs, but I am grateful that despite the fact that I cannot work full time right now (and am awaiting the results/approval of my long term disability through work) I am able to stay active in the music community.
I am also happy to be engaged (!?!!) to my partner of two and a half years. D is an amazing person and we have gone through so much together. We have our down moments but the obstacles we have overcome together have only made our relationship stronger. We inspire, and teach each other, and for that I am grateful.
I have been making great progress in reaffirming and redeveloping my spiritual connections. This has been a lifelong quest for me, and I daresay it is not near concluded, but I am grateful for the spiritual guidance I have received and the mentors I have been fortunate to have met who have helped facilitate the journey.
My memory is back, as well as my cognitive faculties - primary concern was the fact that by June I could barely sight-read junior high band music... After massive medication switches and a lot of work on the part of my GP and my holistic team, I am back to a point where I can think clearly and read music at the level to which I am accustomed.
I am thankful for learning to say no... and for learning (finally) how to remove myself from situations and committments which make me stressed or elicit negative reactions. I recognize that this is not always possible, but having the ability to make these decisions now has allowed me to take stock in which pursuits are healthy for my mind, body and spirit (and which are not).

oboebug @ 2009-08-19T15:02:00

2009-08-19T21:04:21Z

I'm debating on planning a recital, mayhaps for October. I haven't decided yet but the idea has been rolling around in my head for a couple days and it does interest me. This time, THIS CONCERT, would be for me. MY music choices. And a very fun and interesting recital programme 'twould be!

Just my luck!

2009-08-05T19:15:14Z

So I go camping for an entire weekend with no injuries, and then last night at home I managed to slice my index finger cutting garlic bread and then pull my entire labret piercing through the hole in my face when it got caught in my mouth whilst chewing. Go figure!

oboebug @ 2009-07-25T21:16:00

2009-07-26T03:17:38Z

My parents are going to try to get me in to a neurologist that had treated some of my mom's patients to great success, and I guess this Dr. is very good with younger patients, so we're going to try for that. Might be a very long wait unless I can catch him on-call at the hospital. When I go to visit my parents in August (9 hours drive away, in another province) we're going to give it a shot. I'm going to try to obtain copies of my medical records from the rehabilitation hospital where I was seeing this neurologist and neuro-psychiatrist so that I have them with me when I go to my parents'.

I have been tapering off valproate for the last week or so and I had a massive myoclonic (jerking, shaking) episode yesterday. I went back to the GP clinic that had my files (it's a walk-in clinic) and I very luckily was seen by an amazingly compassionate GP who is now seeing me full-time and has become, overnight, part of my care team.

As the muscle relaxants aggravated my condition and I've been taken off valproate (which is okay since it's so liver-damaging), we are trying another angle on treatment for me: if it IS psychogenic, then it may be PTSD-related to the car accident et. al. I am trying a trial run of beta-blockers which have had some clinical trial success in treating both PTSD and essential tremors.

At this point I'm willing to try from any angle. This new GP is not prescribing muscle relaxants and pain medications (except for topical NSAID liquid for my neck and upper back) and is determined that he can get me functioning again. Just having someone in the medical system that is willing to take the time to hold my face still to stop the tremors, look me in the eyes and say "you can do it" was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"it's all in your head... subconsciously..."

2009-07-24T18:38:14Z

So I went to my followup appointment with a neurologist specializing in movement disorders and he decided (after NOT reading the notes that I had just relayed to a nurse 10 mins prior) that the medications I was on weren't helping and that although I DO have both myoclonus and dystonic posturing my physical issues are not overtly congruent with dystonia and therefore came to the conclusion within 5 minutes and no further testing that I have a psychogenic movement disorder, and he referred me to the neuro-psychiatrist, stating that there was nothing he could do for me. www.dystonia-foundation.org/pages/more_info/86.php

He's taking me off all my medications even though I said one of them was helping. (I will follow his advice because I'm not a big fan of liver-damaging drugs, but I'm scared that my myoclonus will come back big time!)

The sad thing for me, about this, is that I HAVE been on an antidepressant since shortly after my symptoms appeared last October, and although this medication is supposed to be top line for psychogenic movement disorders, it doesn't help my physical symptoms. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16426091

I am now very frustrated because the neurologist wouldn't give me any further information about what's going on or what to do about it, and the psychiatrist is like talking to a dead fish. He has not been very helpful and kept referring my questions back to the neurologist (who now is referring me back to the psychiatrist).

I don't want to start "doctor shopping" although I am going to try for a second opinion. I don't have an appointment with the psych doc until August 12 and although my case worker advised me to "nail him down to a treatment path and push him for information and answers" I'm losing faith quickly in the efficacy of these medical "specialists."

Sorry to vent but it's very frustrating and I hate feeling powerless and out of control of my own body.

Best wishes to all, hope everyone is hanging in there

Yet again...

2009-05-19T22:16:25Z

I have no clue why things work out like this. VGL was fantabulously awesome and epic. It was just as fun for the performers as it was for the audience, I think!

I got called in for a symphony gig this weekend, and then I do an RES gig and another symph gig next week. Screw work, if my boss doesn't want to call me and arrange things then I'm not going to waste my time and stress out about trying to track her down. I'm having more relax-time this way and when I'm playing I'm 1) making money and 2) not in a stressful environment where I have to speak/interact with people and walk around. I'm still having difficulty walking and sometimes speaking but if I'm careful and don't overdo it I can make it through the day without completely breaking down physically. Drugs are good mmmkay? (Well, the prescription ones I have, at least). I have my MRI on Saturday. Here's hoping they figure something out.

Guess what?!

2009-05-18T08:48:50Z

I'M PLAYING VGL (VIDEOGAMESLIVE) ZOMG SO EXCITED!!!!1 SQUEE!
(It's tomorrow. I didn't find out until 6pm, and it is due to someone else's series of unfortunate events, but still - WHEEEE!)

Princess Twitchy, Ruler of Gimps

2009-04-22T22:37:57Z

I see a neurologist at a movement disorders clinic tomorrow afternoon. I'm crossing fingers that we'll be able to figure something out. Anything.

happiness is a warm thermal blankie... or three

2009-04-16T03:41:29Z

I am cuddled up in my fresh from the dryer warm thermal blankies. I'm not stuttering as much today but my legs still won't cooperate all the time. Without the cane it's now a stumble or a shuffle-walk. My arm isn't seizing up as often now which is good, only twice today. Any progress is... well... progress. Wish the neurology appointment was sooner rather than later, I really hate having things up in the air so much, especially when this could affect my work, as in, I may have to take a leave of absence without pay or something.

Frustrations abound...

2009-04-12T01:46:18Z

So I'm on massive anti-spasm drugs again. Forgive me if I end up writing a little loopy today.

My massive body tremors/jerking spasms started up again on my days off this past week, and for no good reason either, as all I had done was go grocery shopping briefly and sleep a lot. They were so bad in the evening on Wednesday that I was actually waking myself up from sleep in the middle of the night. Somehow I managed to work through my entire shift 7am-3pm on Thursday and then I changed into jeans and took myself to the medicentre. By the time I got home the spasming was so bad I was having a very hard time walking. The doctor looked and me and told me he was calling a cab for me to go to emergency because they couldn't do anything for me and he was worried about all sorts of scary diseases and conditions. Wrote up a neurology referral. Went to UA Hospital, they kept me in emergency overnight and I had to go through blood tests, urinalysis and a cat (CT) scan along with massive physical-neurological testing for mobility and coordination, 60% of which I failed IMHO. I cannot speak without a stutter now and I cannot walk without a cane or I will fall down or just plain look stupidly ridiculous. I'm off work for a week and on heavy drugs to try and stop the spasming because it hurts my neck, lower back and head, but they make me so stoned that I can't really function. I can barely drive - it's a double edged sword - if I need to drive somewhere I can't take the drugs so I spasm and jerk around a lot. If I take the drugs I can't do anything. BUT the plus side, I suppose, is that I still have my sense of humor. It's not Huntington's, which is an extremely progressive and fatal neurological condition. There are others that they haven't ruled out yet because we haven't had results back from blood tests plus I didn't get an MRI done, etc. I am now under the care of the neurology team at the UA Hospital and hopefully they can figure out what's going on. Whatever it is, we're all concerned it's stemming from the car accident. So please don't worry about me except to hope that I'm doing better day by day. I just want an answer! I cannot speak well so it isn't really worth it to try and call me - takes me almost 30 seconds to say M I S S I S S I P P I and it's really funny (in a sad way?) to hear my try. I even laughed at that one.

This Time I Dance!

2009-04-09T03:00:30Z

... is the name of a book I'm reading, which is helping me solidify my reasoning for feeling so dissatisfied with my job and parts of my life right now. You should read it too, maybe, if you're considering a creative career instead of a stable career that is dulling your life. I spent the latter part of the day formulating in my mind all the different ways I could possibly leave my job for the work I love more than anything else. I may be on to something, just not sure yet.

Ennui and inertia.

2009-03-23T02:22:46Z

This weekend has been all about me. My mood was a little wacky these past few days and the lack of tasking at work definitely didn't help since we all were running out of things to do. I did happen to find some kick ass dinosaur 3D cardboard glasses though, and that made my night on Friday. I didn't fall asleep until 6am and woke up at 2pm. Read most of the way through my 3rd book of the weekend, will finish it probably within the next hour or so. I had great hopes of cleaning and organizing today, but with the winter storm and my body not cooperating (I'm shaking and spasming a lot today) I'm just not going to get anything done. I'm also overheating, which is very rare for me because typically I'm always cold. So I'm going to sit in bed and eat my PB cookie(s...) and read my book. I'm going to try and just enjoy the last part of the evening just for me before I get back to the grind tomorrow. Hopefully I can fall asleep this evening since I work at 11am... I'm dreading tomorrow, just a little bit, because my manager is back from vacation and it always puts me on edge.

Crazy as she goes...

2009-03-19T07:52:49Z

My life really is one big amusement park. With an extra-large rollercoaster!

My grandmother died two weeks ago Tuesday, my mom's mom, and she was really the only grandparent I was close to, nevermind the fact that she was my last remaining grandparent. But, suffice to say that after some bereavement time off work and a lot of talking with Mom and Dad, I am renewed in my belief of the power of family and I made peace with Gramma's passing to the hereafter.

That time also proved challenging because I had some musical performance opportunities that proved both lucrative and rewarding from a networking/progression up the ladder sort of view. I envision more gigs coming my way, thanks to my hard work, perserverance, passion and commitment.

I also drink a lot of coffee... but you knew that already.

My mood has been quite a bit better the last little while, but then my boss has been on holidays (HAH!) and things are going decently on that end. I had to solo a visit from "head office" the other day because there weren't any managers scheduled to be in except me for that time period, and although it was very intimidating, it was also quite empowering to fill the role of head of a multi-million dollar store with a staff of 35+ that I was PROUD of. Also had a surprise visit from Wendy G. at work in the morning on Tuesday, that was super awesome because I haven't had a chance to catch up with her in quite a while. She's always been a fantastic mentor for me and it's also a fun meeting-of-the-minds when we trade stories now about our musical advancements or new books we're reading.

I'm also doing some more investigative research into my spiritual belief system - as in, I've always been a spiritual person but I've never found a label or organized religion that really "fit" with what my core beliefs completely fit in, and it's been quite enlightening to read and learn more about possibilities for me - I've been working on a balance circle concept in my life - the idea that there are four facets to balance in our lives: emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual. The intellectual one I have a good grasp on, the emotional one is always running rampant but I'm working on that. The physical I've let lapse for a while but recognize, again, what I need to do to add more of that, but the spiritual has always been... well, not empty really.. rather, undefined and unacknowledged. So, I'm slowly adding more balance to my life. At least, in my head. ^_^

I had an appointment today but it's a rather long and personal story so I'm linking if you want to skip the details. This was an appointment for a intake procedure for a psychodynamic group therapy that was explained to me as being a wonderful program for learning to regulate and recognize emotions and triggers, as well as learning to understand where our personal idiosyncracies and automatic reactions to life stimuli originate and how we can come to peace with our past and present living conditions and experiences that have shaped who we become and how we choose to act or react. It was recommended to me due to my struggles following the car accident and suffering from Acute Stress Disorder and subsequently Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, in addition to depression, which I've battled since adolescence. I learned of it through a managerial colleague at work who had gone through the program following the dissolution of his 10 year marriage and subsequent downward spiral to suicidal depression. It did WONDERS for him and he raves about it.

Unfortunately, I felt very out of place and was very unhappy with their focus on all the "problems" in my life, and the interviewer's constant attempts to delve into my childhood to find out if there was some sort of neglect or abuse (physical or sexual) in my life from my family. Jeepers no! I generally had a good, positive childhood with my family, it was the school system that f'cked things up for me, primarily. Are you SURE there wasn't any sexual abuse? Excuse me? Don't you think I would know something like that? I mean... oh sorry, I seem to have forgotten the first fifteen years of my life? What? Argh. I have family histories of emotional and mental problems and severe alcoholism on both sides, but for me there was never any "touchies in the no-no places" or physical violence. So I don't think, even if I do get accepted, that I'm going to do it, because let's face it - if the large portion of the group of people that are accepted into the program are from histories of violence, neglect and abuse, the program is not going to be best suited to my needs. Hell, if that's the focus, it's not even a program designed for people like me. It's very highly regarded and respected, and I think it's a phenomenal program for the people it serves, but it's not my cup o' tea. I think this interview was supposed to give me hope and get excited for the program, but I couldn't shake my anger and loss of respect for the interviewer when she mixed up my history with another patient's in asking me the wrong question about something (i.e. she thought I was a severe alcoholic, questioned me on my current consumption of 1 bottle of wine a DAY... and I honestly haven't had more than one night a month including alcoholic beverages in the last year!).

I have to take my car in tomorrow, hopefully the shop near my place can help out - there's a rattling loose part or something underneath and it's driving me batty to hear it. Nevermind the fact that the last time I ignored a sound in my car (my black civic) it turned out I had a torn CV boot and my car could've broken at any minute when I was driving... oopsie.

I have tomorrow off work, which is also a blessing because I fell asleep from 5pm to 10pm and now I can't fall back asleep.

P.S. Olwyn I'm eating dark chocolate Pocky. ^_^

Bored while cooking dinner.

2009-02-23T05:57:46Z

1.YOUR REAL NAME:
Alyssa Marie Miller

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names)
Bella Stewart

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
John Stepan
(Well, I don't know my dad's biological father's first name so that's his step-father's first name, nevermind the fact that apparently I'd need a sex change to be a Nascar driver?)

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Milal

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Blue Chartreux
(I had to spice it up, so I used my favourite cat's breed)

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, street you live on)
Marie Newman
(I'll use my old street name since my current street is a number...)

7.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning
The Black Martini
(Superhero by day, goth alcoholic by night? what?)

8.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Aler
(Not so fly, I think. What exactly is fly?? Kids, these days, sheesh.)

9.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Banana Fudge Gingersnap
(What?)

10.YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of last name plus izzle)
Milizzle
(Fo' real, yo!)

11. [deleted for ethnic insensitivity]

12.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Gwendolyn
(Cute)

Reality check

2009-02-21T22:37:09Z

You want to know how I'm really feeling and what's going on in my life? I usually try to hide how I'm feeling because of a number of reasons:

I'm scared of the intensity of the emotions I feel when I actually consider what's triggering how I feel.
I'm scared of the intensity of the emotions I feel and their effect on others when I try to explain how I'm feeling in person.
I don't want to admit weakness, particularly the sad, depressed, or crying (for any reason) type.
I'm stubbornly trying to work through everything by myself to prove to myself that I can do it.
I can't think straight enough to really explain how I'm feeling and why, concisely.

My mood swings are a wilder roller coaster than the WEM Mindbender. I go from borderline suicidal to zingy and hyper (but not necessarily happy) in a matter of days. This is both triggered and compounded by the following events and situational difficulties:

I'm pissed off at my manager for her unrealistic and unjustified evaluations of my work performance, and the subsequent performance development plan she delivered to me a couple weeks ago.
She's continued to prove to me that she can be very technologically challenged, that she hasn't kept up with her side of the work, and that she is inconsistent in her employee evaluations and expectations.
I'm financially bereft, still. Wallowing in debt, unable to figure out how to come up. D is going on medical EI but we haven't seen the cheques yet and he's been without work or disability pay since December. I'm quickly running out of options and very very concerned about trying to pay for everything - bills, medical stuff, gas, food, rent. Definitely rent.
My house is a mess and I lack the inspiration and motivation to actually clean it up, even though it continues to ruin my feelings when I come home to a place that looks like a bomb went off.
I want to quit my job because I'm frustrated with it but I have nowhere else to go.
I'm pissed off at the lack of forthcoming musical gigs because they're the only employment opportunities when I actually look forward to going to work, and, heavens forbid, I actually enjoy that work.
I'm saddened by the dawning reality of growing older and not feeling any more stable in life. Quarter-life crisis? What?
I've been recommended for a medical treatment program that takes 18 weeks of treatment, but I would have to work full time during it (even though it's not necessarily recommended) because my job does not have short-term disability options, only long-term, which don't kick into effect until after 120 days. (You do the math.)
I'm really freaking tired of the institutional pale green walls in my rental house. I really wish I could repaint almost the entire house.

And yes Olwyn, in a fit of creativity and impulsivity I got a new tattoo, on my left forearm, in neo-gothic type which is very very cool. It says "aut viam inveniam aut faciam" which roughly translates to "if i cannot find a way i will make one," originally attributed to Hannibal of Carthage, one of the most brilliant strategists and war leaders of the ancient world (of the war-elephants-over-the-Alps fame).

Quick thoughts

2009-02-21T22:20:42Z

I'm absolutely nutso, but I'm starting to come to terms with that. Rather, I'm in a re-discovery phase of what it actually means to be crazy.

In the "real world" this means that I'm hyper-emotional, absent-minded and scatterbrained, procrastinate and have poor sleep schedule. To a musician, it means I contribute to the downing of 10 pots of coffee between 35-45 people in a matter of 30 mins on a Thursday morning during a rehearsal, play passionately, accurately and concisely with minimal (or no) preparation or direction and can change as needed at a moment's notice to suit the crowd (or ensemble sound). To me, music is a cathartic process as well as a means of employment. So much of my emotional stability and spiritual grounding comes from being immersed in a musical atmosphere - a combination of playing, conversing, rehearsing, performing, reading, analyzing... music. All music.

What really is normal? And why can't I make these kinds of connections with "normal" or "real" work?

one word

2009-02-16T23:07:31Z

Where is your cell phone? bed
Your hair? Marla
Your favorite thing? shower
Your dream last night? forgotten
Your favorite drink? coffee
Your dream/goal? musician
The room you're in? bedroom
Where do you want to be in 6 years? orchestra
Where were you last night? home
What you're not? mediocre
Muffins? bland
On your wish list? Travel
Where you grew up? British Columbia
The last thing you did? chat
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV? nonexistent
Your pet? cats
Your computer? mac
Your life? rollercoaster
Missing someone? multiple
Your car? Honda
Something you're not wearing? socks
Favorite Store? Apple
Your summer? overheated
Your favorite color? blue
When is the last time you laughed? unknown
Last time you cried? today
Three places I go over and over: House, Work, Starbucks
Three people who email me: Mom, FaceBook, spam
Three of my favourite foods: ice cream, thai, poutine
Three places I would rather be right now: Mediterranean, Paris, Australia
Three people I think will respond: unexpected

cost-benefit analyses

2009-02-16T22:00:33Z

1. I think, if everything can be worked out in time, that I will go back to school in September.
2. My personal (read: emotional) life is stupidly chaotic.
3. I still love coffee and cats.
4. Bills be damned, I need some quality of life.

oboebug @ 2009-01-16T00:57:00

2009-01-16T07:57:32Z

Name: Alyssa Miller (aka MOD - pronounced Maud or EM-OH-DEE at work... heh)
Sex: This survey is rated R for Ridiculous, and we're only on question 2.
Birth date: February 8
Location: Edmonton, AB
Height: Vertically challenged
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Unsure... well, it's black right now.
What does your name mean: Noble kind, of the noble sort. Possibly derived from the flower Alyssum, a derivative of Alice. (Would like to note that my name was actually quite rare until the 90s.
High school graduation year: I can't remember. It's a bit of a blurrrr...
Favorite relatives: As in, my non-nuclear family? That's a toughie. Can I come back to this one?
Summer memory: emergency sandbagging the banks of Kamloops lake because the flood waters were rising too fast for the homeowners to keep up with
Favorite TV shows: Kill your television.
What’s on your mousepad: I don't have a mousepad.
In the car- ac or windows: Windows. AC is stuffy.
Do you believe in yourself: Sometimes
Favorite game: Arkham Horror, Pimp the Backhanding (funniest card game evar)
Favorite drink: Soho and Seven
Favorite food: Dark Chocolate
Favorite colors: Blue and Black
Favorite sounds: Does silence count? Ok, how about quiet time at sunrise just as the critters are starting to chirp.
Favorite smell: Freshly cut grass, patchouli, fresh dark roast brewed coffee
Worst feeling in the world: a panic attack that you can't get out of
Best feeling in the World: feeling accomplished and full of self-worth
Favorite thing to do on a weekend: Does weekend mean no work? In this case, staying up late watching movies and then sleeping in is quite nice.
Favorite soundtrack: (Don't laugh) Grey's Anatomy Original Soundtrack, Resident Evil 2
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: I haven't checked my magic 8-ball lately.
First thought in the morning: Is there coffee made?
Do you get motion sickness: Very much so, unless I'm driving I get quite ill on long rides.
Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: EXCITING
How many rings before you answer the phone: I don't answer my phone usually.
Future son names: I don't plan to have children in the future (nor the present)
Future daughter names: see above
Are you a good friend: I try to be
Chocolate or Vanilla cake: CHOCOLATE
What do you drive: Honda CR-V
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: My cats are stuffed with food at bedtime...
Thunderstorms cool or scary: cool AND scary
If you could meet one person in the world, dead or alive, who would it be: Paul McCandless
What is your zodiac sign: Aquarius (not surprising)
What do you wear to bed: t-shirts and flannel PJs otherwise the cats' kneading HURTS!
Do you eat stems of broccoli: Yes, but only after I've bitten the heads off MWAHAHA
Girls- Would you ever ask a guy for his shirt? Why? Wouldn't I have my own shirt? Odds are his wouldn't fit, probably. And maybe would be smelly. Or not. But seriously.
If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it
be: Studio musician for Blizzard Entertainment or similar company.
If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: I'd like to go fire engine red or bright blue
If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: I would like to do a giant Celtic tree of life on my back with the branches and leaves extending over my shoulder blades. Sleeves would be fun too.
Favorite brand of gum: The peppermint kinds. I'm partial to Menthos peppermint gum right now.
What is your favorite quote: "Yours is not to question why, yours is but to do or die" (Thanks Mum!)
Have you ever been in love: Yes
What’s on your walls in your room: Paint?
Is the glass half-empty or half-full: Half-empty. I got thirsty!
Pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: Miss Halfway - Anya Marina
Which do you prefer- Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos: I'm allergic to both now. :(
Favorite flavor Snapple: No thank you. I like my real fruit juices thankyouverymuch.
Which one, Coke or Pepsi: Diet Pepsi please.
Which kind of milk is your favorite: Lactose free, preferably.
If you were to kill someone, which method would you use? Stab 'em with ice. No murder weapon...
Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: Ambidextrous/switch for some things, mostly righty.
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Occasionally.
When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice their: Face/Eyes
If you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be: I will never be a tool. I hope.
What kind of shoe would you be if you had an option: What the hell.
What’s under your bed: A snoring cat.
What’s the best number in the World: 7
What is your dream car: Porche Carrera or a Shelby GT500 convertible (black, of course)
Who is your biggest crush right now: Robert Downey Jr, hehe
Nickname: Al, Wyssa, *cough*pitchbitch*cough*
School: not anymore, for now.
Bacon Bits Or croutons: Both, but what is with the errant capitalization in these questions??
Favorite Salad Dressing: Blue Cheese
Do you Drink: Yes
What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: Plush
Have you ever been skinny dipping: I don't do swimming. Of any kind.
Do you make fun of people: I try to be a good person.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: No
Best friends online/offline: They know who they are!
One pillow or two: Lots and lots and lots and lots of pillows!
Pets: A blended family: Murphy, Walter, Gwendolyn, Tika
Favorite Movies: Too many to list
Favorite type of music: I don't like Nashville twang and I don't like gangsta rap.
Hobbies: Work, music, painting miniatures, driving
Word or Phrase you overuse: "It'll be everything you dreamed of... AND MORE"
Toothpaste: Peppermint?
Piercing or tattoos: Yes please. I mean, yes I have both.
Do you get along with your parents: Yes
Favorite beer: Guinness
Favorite song at the moment: Paramore - Decode
Favorite subject in school: Didn't I just say I'm not in school anymore?
Least favorite subject in school: see above.
Craziest or Silliest Person You Know: Cam, Reece, Dalen
Favorite Holiday: Halloween

A survey, to say a lot of little things and avoid the big ones.

2008-11-30T05:23:01Z

What time is it? Almost bedtime.

Where are you? My bedroom

Why are you procrastinating? Only on tidying the house, everything else is caught up.

How do you take your tea? Black, unless it's *real* Chai.

Just who do you think you are? Only the most fantastically intelligent, quick-witted, beautiful (and MODEST) person in the universe.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Not what I've become since I've grown thus far.

What's your favourite smell? Coffee, or clean laundry.

What are your favourite films? Run Lola Run, Le Huitieme Jour, The Usual Suspects, The Godfather trilogy, Fight Club, Wall-E, Apocalypse Now, American Beauty, Requiem for a Dream, Monty Python (any), Princess Bride, Stardust, Lost in Translation, Burn After Reading

Do you like chocolate best, or cake? Chocolate.

What time do you get up, given the choice, and what do you do first? I get up when I wake up, usually in the afternoon. I make coffee.

What are you worried about at the moment? Finances.

What's in your CD player? Who uses CDs anymore? I'm listening to the Paramore live album.

Name three songs with good memories...
Symphony 5 in D Minor (Shostakovich), Oboe Concerto in C (Strauss), Whatever Gets You Through Today (Radio)

...And three with sad memories
Sliding Down (Bela Fleck), Hurt (Johnny Cash), Hasta el Fin (Monchy y Alexandra)

If you could see any band play live tomorrow, which would it be? That's a poor question to ask of a musician...

What's your first memory?
A nightmare of a redheaded child in my brightly lit bedroom, fighting with me and pulling my hair out.

Who's your favourite poet? Sylvia Plath

What was your favourite TV show when you were little?
Whatever was on when I was watching it?

How big a part of your identity is your sexual orientation?
It isn't? I am who I am, and whether it makes me attractive to either sex, it makes no difference to how I feel towards other people and it really doesn't play into how I identify with myself.

When did you first realize you were a bit odd?
I was in denial for many years...

What's your best physical feature?
My eyes, I think.

Do you like the way you look?
On occasion.

When did you last cry?
2 days ago.

Are you a romantic?
Unfortunately. A cynical one, I suppose.

Do you have any irrational prejudices?
I don't think so.

Name three nice things that people regularly say about you.
"Can I see your ID please?", "I love your hair" (hehe!), "Your oboe sound is great." (community players, hah!)

What do you think about the country where you live? Would you live anywhere else?
It's better than most, but could always use some improvements. If there was a future for me there, I'd move to Denmark because of the socio-political leaning.

What's your favourite time of day?
Nap time?

What's your favourite thing to eat?
Carbs. They make me sleepy for nap time.

What's your favourite Shakespeare play?
The Tempest

What's your favourite comedy?
Anything by Monty Python.

Name three guilty pleasures.
Legally guilty pleasures? Ridiculously hot, long baths or showers, gourmet dark chocolate, cheesecake.

Do you like Christmas?
I think... I'll stay politically correct and unoffensive and simply state that Christmas in North America has become an immense yearly boom to the economy from the retail sector, and although I am in retail management, I do not support the philosophy that a time of year aligned with observation of a particular Christian observance should be set aside to give gifts to people you don't normally and celebrate an overweight old dude with candy canes in the malls.

Are you political?
Yes, although I often keep my opinions to myself.

Do you get on with your parents?
Typically yes.

What do you wish you could be doing right now?
Taking a vacation.

Do you get jealous easily?
Yes

Are you a risk taker?
Yes

Name one aspect of your personality that you'd change.
The self-destructing part.

What super power would you have?
Some sort of travelling ability... transportation via mirrors, or flying, etc.

Are you shy?
Deep down I think I am, although I've learned to get around it and I open up quite a bit when I know the people I'm around (or I've had too much to drink)

What are you proudest of yourself for, this year?
Graduating with my Masters (with honours)

When do you have most fun?
When I'm not worrying.

What's your catchphrase?
At work: "It'll be everything you hoped and dreamed of... and more!"

Have you ever -
Worn drag? Does it count if it was for a musical I was in, in high school?

Taken anti-depressants? Yup.

Been to India? Nope.

Been to Australia? Nope.

Been on a diet? Yes, a couple times.

Hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.

Hurt someone else on purpose? I hit my brother with a shovel when I was young...

Been seduced by an older woman? What an interesting question! (No.)

Taken cocaine? No.

Considered suicide? Yes. (Not recently, not to worry!)

Told someone you loved them when you didn't mean it? No.

Not told someone you loved them when you did? Yes. Sometimes it's easier that way.

Name one thing that truly terrifies you. Spiders and other yucky bugs in the house. House fires.

How insecure are you? Quite a bit

Are you an atheist? More agnostic than atheist, I suppose. It's a work in progress.

What goes best on toast? Cheesewhiz. Or, conversely, butter, powdered sugar (or brown sugar), and cinnamon. Yum!

Just what on earth do you think you are doing? Just who the hell do you think you are, asking me what on earth do I think I'm doing?

What do you most regret not having done? Got my finances in order sooner.

If you could go anywhere tonight, where would you go? Paris

If you could be in someone's arms tonight, whose would they be? The ones belonging to the man playing computer games downstairs at the moment.

What do you want to do before you die? Travel more, work with inner city kids, take more university courses

What fascinates you? People in general fascinate me. I'm a closet social anthropologist.

What's wrong with you? What's it to ya?

Do you believe in God? Didn't we just have a conversation about atheism and agnoticism?

Do you believe in fairies? Not in this world.

Are you hopeful? I'm idealistic.

What time did you finish this?
Bed time.

I am easily distracted by shiny objec---

2008-11-27T04:14:21Z

Heh.

My new vehicle will be here on Monday night! So excited. It's a Honda CRV. Not black, like my heart, but silver, and that's ok. Apparently it's in really nice condition and I'm so excited. It's all-wheel drive too, with a great set of real winter tires, so I'll be set for my commutes in the brutal winters here... when the brutal winter hits... sometime... anytime? It is odd, is it not (?), that we have no snow and it's almost December? I don't always notice how odd it is because when I was living in BC this wasn't out of the ordinary, but the weather has been quite above normal temperature-wise and no snow seems odd. The winter world is a remnant of it's shiny, fluffy self sans-snow.

In other news. I has a Christmas gig. Well, a gig for a church christmas musical which takes place in early December. A little bit more pocket change to help the dwindling bank account. I also finished and got paid for my first painting commission (miniatures). I have another one for about $100 which I will be starting shortly - I need to buy some more primer.

I'm eating chocolate and cuddling with my cats and dreading trying to get to work for 9am tomorrow morning. I'm just not a morning person and I have to leave my house at around 7am tomorrow to get there on time. On the plus side, I should charge my iPod tonight because I just got a new album which I am looking forward to hearing in its entirety (Paramore).